


i babble on (until my voice is gone)

by WordsAblaze



Series: Witcher Fics [33]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Gen, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, Insecure Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion Needs a Hug, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, Lowercase, Non-Human Jaskier | Dandelion, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited Love, Whump, Witchersexual Jaskier | Dandelion, but the author does not let him have one, no beta we die like jaskier doesn't, the relationships are only hinted at, this is basically just angsty introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:15:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27407944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsAblaze/pseuds/WordsAblaze
Summary: Jaskier has used his voice any way he can ever since he was born, for good and bad and everything inbetween. But in the end, nothing about his voice helps him where it really matters...
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: Witcher Fics [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726360
Comments: 10
Kudos: 84





	i babble on (until my voice is gone)

**Author's Note:**

> title is from constellations by the oh hellos - hearing it literally always makes me smile but for some reason this one lyric turned into hurting the bard ??

jaskier is newborn

and he is a disappointment

for he is the manifestation of an outlawed love

but he knows of nothing because he is barely alive and there is very little he can do about how and why he was brought into the world so the only thing he can do is cry and cry and cry and try best to be heard,

and it becomes unfortunately common for the noises he makes to be hushed or ignored or blamed on things that are far beyond anyone’s control, so much so that it’s several years before anyone outside their family even knows he exists.

jaskier is five

and he is a nuisance

according to his mother and his father and his tutor and half of his siblings

but he does not care for he is young and bold and free and there is nothing that can stop him from exploring the flowers of the gardens and the shelves of the libraries and quite literally anything else he can find,

and when he stumbles - with his torn clothes, grubby hands, and sheepish grins - into something that he cannot understand, he asks question upon question until somebody answers or distracts him.

jaskier is ten

and he is hard work

because he refuses to do as he is told and refuses to act noble

but even though he no longer yells back at anyone, he knows how to sneak away at the crack of dawn or the dead of night so he can learn everything there is to be learnt about the world he’s not meant to be exposed to,

and the only reason anyone ever finds out is because he cannot resist documenting his adventures in his journals but he is young and careless and leaves them lying around for others to find and expose and blackmail him with.

jaskier is fifteen

and he is a promising student

except for when he decides he’s rather not blindly obey his teachers

but he doesn’t really have much of a choice because every time he talks back, he is sent either to his room or to receive punishment and neither of those are good options because they result in blood or tears or both,

and yet he never learns how to stay silent because to stay silent would be to admit defeat and there is no way he would allow himself to resort to such a thing when he aims to make a place for himself in a world that doesn’t care to listen to him. 

jaskier is twenty

and he is the bane of existence

if you were to ask the witcher that he’s stubbornly taking to following

but nobody does and he gets away with sticking around because he knows how to bend words into lyrics and slot them into songs and there’s no denying that his music slowly but surely starts to influence people,

and he thinks that all the sarcasm and the teasing is an easy, lovable price to pay for being allowed to indulge in the inspiration he finds in the most powerful muse he’s ever experienced, ignoring the way his heart seems to be yearning for something more.

jaskier is twenty five

and he a sweet talker

so he makes a routine of trading performances for rooms, baths, and meals

but there days when preparing for a performance can be incredibly difficult because his very best friend is ever so stingy with the details and gathering information about different kinds of monsters is harder than he’d thought,

and despite that, there’s hardly ever a day where he doesn’t badger the white wolf with questions or compliments or even a mix of the two, especially since he’s more than aware that he’s making up for almost everyone on the continent who won’t.

jaskier is thirty

and he is a pie with no filling

in the eyes of both his witcher and the djinn who serves him

but that doesn’t hurt nearly as much as feeling his throat close up while blood runs trickles over his lips and spills onto his new doublet, staining both the fabric and his heart with the knowledge that he is too much,

and it seems that still doesn’t teach him a lesson because he wakes up and starts rambling and he escapes with very little of his dignity left but it’s not really an escape because lilac and gooseberries effortlessly take away both his curse and the love of his life.

jaskier is thirty five

and he is doing well

judging by the amount of coins tossed their way

but he finds that he no longer has much of an interest in said coins because he has taken to chasing hearts that will never be his and he falls a little bit in love with every witcher he fleetingly passes or hears about from eager children,

and there is something simultaneously satisfying and saddening about finally figuring out his type only to be granted the knowledge that while everyone who falls into that category will appreciate the effect of his words, they will never want to hear them for long.

jaskier is forty

and he is a mystery

to anyone from his past who comes across him again

but he is a not a mystery they wish to understand because uncovering why his skin doesn’t wrinkle and his hair doesn’t grey would mean uncovering an entire host of noble secrets that are definitely better left as a mystery,

and he finds himself giving eulogies to people that he used to know and used to love and he when he’s told that he’s so brave for making sure his voice didn’t break, he’s not sure if he’s meant to see that as a good habit or a bad sign.

jaskier is forty five

and he is inferior to his absence

because the person he cared for most wanted him gone

but although he takes himself as far away from destiny as he possibly can, he can’t bring himself to accept his fate and he’s stupid enough to carry on weaving tales of witchers and witches and a war he probably shouldn’t be so involved in,

and so he’s not entirely surprised when the consequences of his broken-hearted actions bite into his skin with blades and whips and a plethora of pain that he so foolishly sings about just to keep himself company inside empty cells.

jaskier is fifty

and he is silent

only because he has no other choice

but he forgets that there’s no gag to untie or hand to stab or potion to drink and every time he opens his mouth to argue, he’s overcome with a sharp wave of grief that settles into his bones and leaves him flooded with both anger and tears,

and when everything is finally over, when he can wake up to familiar faces rather than familiar screams, when he finally gets to see where witchers go home for the winter, he learns that a bard being nothing but a silent guest is the true meaning of bittersweet. 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm really sorry for the feels but this genuinely wrote itself and i'm aware that i have other fics that are pretty suspiciously similar but hey, no harm in posting this one as well :p  
> i would also like it to be known that i've had this ao3 tab open for like two days because i do not know how to summary, that is all.
> 
> thanks if you read this !! toss a kudos/comment? xx


End file.
